I’ve been having a painful menstruation for many years, at least during the first two days. And since I’ve started going down the path of personal development/evolution and cleaning out my emotional and energetic baggage, it has become even worse, so that sometimes even painkillers don’t work. On those days I have all kinds of symptoms of stomach flu, can only lie on the sofa and merely survive from breath to breath. And try not to go mad with pain.
I’ve learned to get along with it, accept it. I know this is not how it’s supposed to be, but it’s okay with me for the moment. Unfortunately a lot of women have similar issues. I once read that suppressed rage can lead to this kind of pain and personally believe that a lot of our emotions, if not released, get stored here, in our womb. And I can definitely relate to suppressed rage, not just my own (because “good girls aren’t angry or defiant” …), but also of my foremothers. Because this can easily be passed down through our lineage. And the way women have been treated the past 2,000 years (at least), the degradation and mistreatment they had to endure – no wonder that a lot of women have locked their anger up inside (consciously or unconsciously).
And I know that for me the level of pain is also an indicator of how well (or not) I’ve treated my body in the month before the bleed. Because when I’ve felt relaxed, joyful, maybe even experienced some adventure (in any case: not having put much pressure on myself), then my bleed is much more relaxed as well.
I remember when my husband and I went to Scotland for our honeymoon. I bled right before the journey and started again on our last day. The three weeks in between were great, with lots of new things to see and learn, enjoying the scenery and yes, having a dispute here and there and trouble with my compulsions, but overall a very positive month – and during the following bleed I had the most easeful time in years! So I know this plays into it as well, how I treat myself. How much joy I allow myself to experience (we humans aren’t used to experiencing joy over a longer period of time, so we often conjure up some kind of situation that will cloud our good mood – if you like, read the book “The Big Leap” by Gay Hendricks and observe yourself afterwards ;-)). Also how easily and quickly I can come back to an optimistic outlook or into my centre when life happens and I feel down.
I hope that one day I’ll wake up and say “Enough already! Now I follow the rhythm of my body (and my joy) completely and unapologetically.” I’m not there yet. And maybe it’ll rather be a slow transition, several iterations where I trust my body and her rhythms more and more and see what unfolds. Maybe the pain won’t change. And maybe it will :-)
Anyway, as I was laying there last time on the sofa and the pain was subsiding so I could think straight again, a though popped into my head: What a cool organ my uterus is! :-) She doesn’t have hands or tools to scrape and cleanse, yet she manages by movement and cramping alone to get rid of all the built up uterine lining! Completely without residue, because that could rot. But it doesn’t, because our uterus cleans up EVERYTHING thoroughly and lets it go. Only by contracting and releasing – isn’t that phenomenal?!? What a wonderful organ she is, helping us let go of the old and make room for the new every month!
And because I currently read “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron and a weekly task is to have an “Artist Date” with myself, I used this inspiration for my first Date and drew a uterus. This is the result: