Perimenopause – a transformational journey into the second half of your life

Most people have heard of the symptoms that are commonly associated with (peri)menopause:

Hot flashes, insomnia, weight gain, mood swings, aching joints, restlessness, anxiety and depression, brain fog …

But do you know about the profound shifts and transformative processes going on in your system (body, heart, mind and soul) as you move through this stage of life?

In my opinion, it’s never too early to learn about the perimenopause transition. Because when you understand what happens on a physical, emotional, mental and soul level, you can navigate this initiation into the second half of your life with a lot more ease! :-)

Definition

Let’s start by clarifying a few terms, so we’re all on the same page:

• Pre-Menopause: Your fertile years, from the first bleed until you experience the first (usually psycho-emotional) shifts in your mid/late 30s.
• Peri-Menopause: The time of big changes, not just physically, but also on an emotional, psychological and spiritual level.
• Menopause: The exact point in time when you haven’t had a period or spotting for 365 consecutive days (which you can only determine in retrospect).
• Post-Menopause: The time from day 366 without a period or spotting.

By the way, the syllable “meno” has the same root as “mens/mensis” (as in “mens-truation”) – it simply means “moon” or “month”, because that’s how our ancestors tracked the passing of time, via the moon’s cycle.

So in your fertile years, you have a regular “moon time”, before transitioning into the “moon (= meno) pause”. And indeed, many womb bearers report how much it helps them to turn (back) to the moon cycle as their primary cycle to track their rhythms by.

Isn’t it beautiful and relieving to be reminded that we humans are part of nature, too?

What are the physical changes happening in perimenopause?

A note in advance:

The physical changes of perimenopause are often not the first ones we can notice! So even when your menstrual cycle is still very regular and healthy, you may already be experiencing the first signs on an emotional, psychological or spiritual/soul level!

Also, symptoms and perimenopause are not the same and mustn’t be used as synonyms. It’s true that many women and menstruator experience a wide variety of symptoms during that time, but they are not what perimenopause is ultimately about.

As we will see, perimenopause is essentially a profound reorganisation and realignment of body, heart, mind and soul, similar to puberty.

Production of sex hormones

On a physical level, the main focus of the perimenopause transition is shifting your sex hormone production from your ovaries to the adrenals (two glands sitting on top of your kidneys).

In your fertile years, estrogen, progesterone and testosterone are mainly produced by your ovaries. In the future, your body will need a much smaller dosage, so your adrenals can take over.

This means, though, that instead of communicating with your ovaries (via hormones), your brain now has to create new neural pathways to ensure it will communicate with your adrenals in the future. This rewiring takes time and effort, so it’s only natural your brain can’t work at full capacity during this phase. Brain fog and a certain forgetfulness might be the result.

But don’t worry, this is not the beginning of dementia, just a temporary state of flux until the rewiring is complete! :-)

The stress factor

The reason why symptoms commonly associated with perimenopause occur, is because the ratio between estrogen and progesterone gets out of balance. To a degree, that’s normal and expected, as hormone levels of both hormones decrease, but not always in the same proportion.

Post-menopause the ratio usually stabilises once again, just at a lower level altogether.

The main reason things get out of balance is stress, by which I mean physical stress (toxins, excessive cardio etc.), emotional stress (unprocessed, difficult emotions and trauma), psychological stress (to-do lists, beliefs around perimenopause and ageing) and/or soul stress (e.g. feelings of loneliness, of being (left) alone with it all).

This creates an imbalance, because your adrenals’ main job is to produce stress hormones to keep you alive. But when they’re busy producing those, because of all the different stressors, it’s much harder for them to take over sex hormone production on top of that.

Also, stress hormones are made from progesterone. So while your progesterone levels are naturally decreasing during this time (progesterone is mainly produced by the remaining corpus luteum after ovulation; so as the frequency of ovulation decreases during perimenopause, the amount of progesterone decreases, too), if you experience heightened and lasting stress, your adrenals will use up the remaining progesterone to produce cortisol.

That’s why it is critically important – always, really, but especially in this phase – to include phases of deep rest and relaxation into your day-to-day, as counterbalance.

How can you support yourself on a physical level?

The “stress factor” shows clearly why adrenal care and support are key, especially in perimenopause!

That means doubling down on relaxation techniques like vagus nerve activation (your body’s main nerve for relaxation), gentle stretching and nature walks, but also making sure you’re adequately supported on a mental and emotional level as well (for example by connecting with people who are going through or have gone through perimenopause and understand you).

[By the way, in this blog post I explain why resting doesn’t necessarily mean doing nothing, and how you can also rest in a more active way.]

Apart from that, you can support your hormonal system by boosting liver health through an anti-inflammatory diet and detox practices (like lymphatic drainage work).

Also, strengthening your body through (light) weight-training will increase muscle mass, strengthen your bones (decreasing the risk for osteoporosis) and increase your metabolic rate (which helps counterbalance weight gain).

What’s more, it has a positive effect on your mood and mental well-being, because it will help you FEEL strong from the inside out!

What are the emotional changes happening in perimenopause?

When it comes to difficult emotions and traumatic experiences, if you don’t (or can’t) process them right away, your body and nervous system store the charge until you have the space, capacity and willingness to process them properly – no matter how long that takes!

In our fertile years we usually have enough energy to sweep things we don’t want to deal with or don’t know how to deal with, under the metaphorical carpet. In perimenopause, however, our whole system is busy with all these shifts and changes, so there’s less energy left to keep things stuffed down.

They often bubble up in perimenopause and lead to mood swings – one moment you feel vulnerable, the next you want to cry and a second later you explode for no apparent reason (though I assure you, there’s usually a really good one worth exploring!).

This isn’t always easy or comfortable, but remember: It’s an opportunity and invitation to work through and process the old baggage and difficult experiences and release what’s no longer supportive. If you make use of it, you will start the next chapter of your life significantly lighter!

How can you support yourself on an emotional level?

In terms of your emotional experience, it is important to understand that e-motions are energy-in-motion: They need to flow – through and out!

When you stuff them down, their charge stays in your system, creating blocks, separation or even (inner) numbness. So the goal is to FEEL them, in order to release them. To express them in a way that works for you and that’s safe for yourself and others.

Rage can be expressed through punching a pillow or screaming into it. Sadness can be expressed through a good-old snot-cry. Creating art can be a wonderful outlet, too, to give expression to things you can’t put into word.

Look for what you weren’t allowed to do to express your emotions in the past, and find a way to do just that (like stomping, or howling etc.)!

The focus lies on experiencing the physical sensation, though, to avoid going into story (“Why is this happening to me?”). When you stay with the sensation alone – following where it lives in your body, what shape or size it has, if it has a movement, what that sensation wants to have happen – the emotional charge itself is usually going to pass after a couple of minutes.

I know first-hand that this process can be difficult, uncomfortable, even painful – and it’s totally okay to get yourself support around this! Many emotional scars were inflicted with/by another person, so being witnessed in your difficult emotion AND being held gently and safely can be enormously healing on the nervous system!

What are the psychological changes happening in perimenopause?

On a mental-psychological level, it’s essential to uncover subconscious beliefs you hold about (peri)menopause, as they often become a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is because your brain is programmed to look for evidence that supports what you have learned about perimenopause and “older women” from your family, the media and our patriarchal-capitalist society at large.

[This is true for women and people socialised or perceived as woman, even when they have a different gender, because the influence of our childhood upbringing runs so deep!]

It’s important to be aware of the beliefs and preconceptions your hold about (peri)menopause as they have a significant influence on your experience of this transition and how you move through it.

Note: As you may see, none of these changes happen in isolation, the different levels influence each other. Beliefs (psychological) influence how you feel about yourself and the world (emotional) and lead to a certain body posture or physical expression, which in turn can influence the mobility and health of different body parts (physical) or show up as symptoms associated with perimenopause.

How can you support yourself on a psychological level?

This means on a psychological level it’s important to start looking at which beliefs you hold, where they come from and if they’re really truly yours.

Think about the stories you were told or have heard about (peri)menopause and “older women”, both on a personal level (from mother, grandmother, aunts, friends, …) and on a societal level (the media, advertising and film industry).

Observe the thoughts you have and sift through them: Which are truly yours, which come from family or society? Which of them do you want to keep, because they’re supportive, and which do you want to release, because they’re not? (You could write them on a piece of paper and burn it, as a physical outward act of releasing, for example.)

Examine how you talk with yourself day by day, especially if you experience symptoms: Do you speak with yourself in a loving, compassionate, encouraging tone? Or do you dismiss yourself and your experience, beat yourself up about “having done something wrong” or even believe you “deserve to suffer”?

Be loving with yourself and your changing body as much as you can!

What are the spiritual/soul-level changes happening in perimenopause?

The archetype connected with this “autumn phase” of life (similar to the luteal phase in a menstrual cycle and the waning moon phase in the moon cycle) is that of the Sovereign, the Mage. It’s the person who knows themselves, knows their strengths and weaknesses, knows their needs and desires and what they’re here for.

Following the spring phase of life (youth) where you went out to explore the world, and the summer phase of life (parenthood), where you made your mark (that can mean giving birth to children, doing meaningful work as a business owner, bringing your passions to life through creative expression etc.), you now turn inward again and become the person who says “I know who I am (kind of) and THIS is what I’m no longer available for!”

After caring for others and the world (often to the degree of people-pleasing and self-abandonment), it’s finally time to prioritise and care for yourself, i.e. “setting your boundaries”, because YOU are important, too!

It’s a natural autumn-theme that also comes up in the inner autumn phase of the cycle – because everything is interconnected!

The other important theme of this phase of life is connection, or belonging.

It’s about connecting with yourself, but more importantly, connecting to something greater than you. This eternally loving force in the Universe – whether you call it God, Goddess, Universe, Source, Angels or something else entirely. A presence that is unconditionally loving and always ready to conspire FOR you, if you’re willing to let it in.

How can you support yourself on a spiritual/soul level?

This phase of life is about getting to know yourself even more deeply, understanding who you are, what works for you and what you’re no longer willing to tolerate or compromise. It will allow you to connect and engage with the world around you in a way that helps create win-win-situations, while staying true to yourself.

Explore the person you want to become in the second half of your life: What do you need in order to feel nourished and supported? What feeds your soul and how can you include more of that into your day-to-day on purpose?

Your needs and desires are important, and it’s time to prioritise them, explore your sacred Yes and No (and the Maybe). What is it you want to say Yes to? What is it you need to say No to, because it doesn’t or no longer works FOR you?

Many women and womb-bearers report flashes of anger during this phase, which makes total sense: anger is about disrespected boundaries, and you’re allowed to have, set and maintain those.

On top of that, anger is a hot emotion, so it’s no wonder hot flashes are a common experience for many – it’s almost like the body is burning away what’s no longer helpful ;-)

To move through this phase more easefully, it’s immensely helpful to connect with Nature. To explore the rhythms that live around, in and through you, because they help you realise that you’re part of Nature, and therefore, not alone! You belong and have your place in the grand web of Life!

When you know in your heart-of-hearts that there’s something bigger than you that you can rely on, it’ll help you feel less alone, calming your nervous system (the key thing in perimenopause, if you remember).

It helps you feel that you have a place you belong – to yourself, to your body, to a loving force that’s holding you. And you finally know “Whatever life presents me with, I’ve somehow got this!”

Closing Thoughts and Perspective

As you can see, there’s a lot going on during this initiatory transition and the physical changes are often the LAST to be noticed. That’s because astrological phenomena (“planetary midlife transits”) occur between the age of 35 through 50. They are your nudge and invitation to engage with the inner and outer shifts, reclaim self-agency and live your life more and more true to YOU!

That’s why I believe we can’t prepare for perimenopause early enough!

When we know what’s going to happen beforehand, we can start prepping on all levels, like processing emotions and difficult situations early on, looking at our beliefs, reducing toxins, practice resting on a regular basis etc.

It means we’re less surprised, less overwhelmed and can be more compassionate and gentle with ourselves, when we see the first signs of perimenopause, whether they’re physical, emotional, psychological or spiritual. This reduces stress and makes EVERYTHING easier!

Lastly, if you happen to be a menstruating person, you go through the autumn (= luteal and pre-menstrual) phase once every month, experiencing the same energies I described above in a smaller way – so charting your cycle becomes the perfect training ground for perimenopause :-)

Because then you’re creating your support kit cycle by cycle, understanding what works for you and what doesn’t in any given phase, and have it all ready when shit hits the fan in midlife ;-)

Plus, you’ll know who and when to ask for what kind of support! We’re not isolated beings, but a community-based species and no one should go through this alone!

In fact, millions of people have moved through this transition before you (though I admit they’ve probably had lower and non-permanent stress levels and a lower toxic load), so you can trust that your body knows how to do this!

I know this was a lot of information – if you’ve got questions about anything I shared, send me a mail, I love receiving (and answering) questions and feedback!

And in case you experience menstrual or perimenopausal health challenges and want to learn what your body tries to tell you and how you can support each other, my “Womb Health & Well-Being Consultation” might be what you need.