I recently had a very personal and deep diving coaching session and would like to share my profound (at least for me) and inspirational insights with you:
I was going through a phase of deep self-doubt and feelings of unworthiness, so what I wanted to have happen was “feeling deserving of goodness and happiness even when I felt criticised” (regardless of it being actual criticism or rather loving and constructive feedback). What came to me was the image of a beautiful Priestess residing in my heart space, opening her arms wide, infusing every cell of my body with love and warmth and looking at me with eyes full of love. She was so convinced that I am deserving, because she saw what I couldn’t see, a glorious and radiant and lovable being – me. And what I really wanted to have happen in that moment was to perceive myself through her eyes and see in me what she saw. But all I could think of were my flaws and how wrong she must be to see that in me.
I felt the deep gap between me, the flawed, doubtful, dirty human, and the beautiful, goddess-like and absolutely flawless priestess. How could someone like her look at someone like me with so much love – and how could I ever live up to that and deserve to be looked upon like that? And I thought “Well, it must be easy to feel and radiate so much love and kindness, when you’re not flawed yourself, don’t have to worry about or criticise yourself for anything.”
And then another thought crossed my mind – what if….
What if she had flaws, too, only I couldn’t perceive them, because she didn’t send out any hesitancy around them? What if she wasn’t so much without flaws, but didn’t perceive her “flaws” as that? What if she was so full of love, chose to love others and every aspect of herself so much that through this love she didn’t see any part of her as flawed, but more as lessons or simply aspects of herself she needed to embrace and care for with even more love? What if she accepted and loved herself, every part of her, so completely, that she simply didn’t think of certain parts of her as flaws and therefore didn’t send out the notion to have any? What if it wasn’t so much her not having any flaws, but her having chosen to love even them and therefore emanating the feeling that there is nothing NOT to love about her? Maybe what made me perceive her as goddess-like was simply her ability to fiercely and unconditionally love every part of herself – and because we are all connected, to love every part of me or you as well.
And what difference does knowing this make?
Well, for one, it means that I can learn to shift my perspective, my attitude towards myself. I, too, can learn to accept all parts of myself – and so can you! Granted, we probably won’t shift from dislike to love in a day. But we can start with a ceasefire, not shooting at the parts we think of as our flaws, stop trying to make them go away or to ignore them. Then maybe, if we get acquainted with them a little, we may start tolerating them, maybe even finding something useful in them, some property that we can be grateful for. And maybe that turns into a kind of acceptance, accepting that they are part of who we are. And maybe, with time, we will learn to love them – and if we don’t, at least we will be at peace with them and not worry about them all the time.
Secondly, it means that these parts hold a lesson, a vital key: If I don’t experience the shadows, all of the unwelcome emotions, all the doubts, all the thoughts my ego wants me to believe (and find ways to be a little less judgemental about them, to see them as part of being human, to come to accept them) – how can I assist others in going through this and integrate them? If I haven’t experienced some of it myself (and I don’t claim to know exactly what another being is going through, I can only ever have a faint impression, because every experience is different for everyone), how can I develop the empathy and compassion needed to assist my fellow human beings?
And lastly, it means that we, every part of us, is deserving of love and it is moreover love itself that can bring about a change in consciousness, in perspective. Love has the power to heal, to close seemingly insurmountable gaps!
So my wish for you and me and all of us is that we will always remember that in the eyes of the Universe, we are already whole – holy – beings, as much as the world wants us to believe otherwise. There is nothing wrong with us, we don’t need fixing or repair, no becoming someone or something else than we already are. May we realise that what seems like flaws to us, may be an inconsequential detail to others, simply a part of who we are, not good, not bad, but uniquely us.
From my soul to yours,